I’ve reached the age at 84 when I find myself “reflecting” on my life. A lot! Prompted in part by the Covid lockdown in 2020. In addition, my sense of the number of days remaining to me on the planet, is also translating into “What do I have to do NOW so that I don’t leave a mess for those who follow?”
Fifteen years ago, I wrote a book with a compelling question, Why Not Do What You Love? (republished with some updates in 2023). It was a key life question which served people of any age, inviting folks to live a life aligned with what they enjoyed and cared about.
With age, however, I notice new questions percolating, the answers to which invite me, and all of us, into life healing and the wisdom of elderhood.
As I act on my need not to leave a mess, the sorting and tossing of the contents of my file cabinet is now becoming more tossing than sorting. The fewer items being kept for the savoring are being turned into creative projects which may have interest to the generations that follow. For instance, I have prepared archives for my 20 years as a business owner. Just in case the family members who inherited my offerings would like a more complete view of the business foundation which preceded them. And, I’m creatively revisiting the toughest years of my life when I faced a myriad of unanticipated changes, losses and an illness with no known cause and no known cure.
Post 80, the deeper questions are emerging:
Looking back at my life, who have I become?
How has my life mattered?
What is my “unfinished business?”
Still looking forward: What’s a good death and how can I have one? Until then, how shall I create a satisfying and useful life?
Many folks are scared of these questions which acknowledge MORTALITY, and it takes some courage to seriously deal with them. Giving voice to one’s own answers, and acting on them, is one avenue for continuing to create meaning and purpose in later life.
And let’s not forget our needs for socialization. Difficult conversations with others on these issues can be an interactive adventure and a great way to keep learning and growing. (Check out deathoverdinner.org)
Yes, arriving at 80, the questions seem to shift. The answers we’ve never dared consider are worth pondering, and acting upon. We still have years to live. Let’s enjoy them.