Sometimes I just want us (me and others) to dare to say we want.
In the dressing room at the Y, I overheard two young women chatting about the wedding one of them was planning. The one about to be married was worried about bridesmaids dresses and asking for advice from her friend, who had a lot to say from her own experience of being a recent bridesmaid. It seemed to be a conversation fraught with difficulty. Sensing the bride’s frustration trying to meet everyone’s needs, I poked my head out of the stall and offered: “This sounds complicated.” The bride sighed at all the decisions she was having to make and said, “This IS getting complicated. I don’t think I want to get married.”
I continued to participate in my own no nonsense way. “Have you thought of making it simpler and doing what’s more easy and fun for you and your fiance..” she immediately finished my sentence, “….instead of what everyone else wants?”
“Yeah,” I repeated, “simple, the way you want it, sounds good.” I reiterated. “You’re absolutely right. I have to think about that,” she momentarily relaxed into this new idea.
Never having been a “caretaker” of the needs of others when my own independence has been at stake, I reflected on my own two weddings, both at home, with a minister and very few friends, followed by a potluck celebration, later in the week. I regret neither of those choices. I hope whatever she designs for herself feeds and nourishes her and provides good memories.
Clarity and choice matters to one’s well being all the way through life. At 75, I’m thinking ahead to the inevitable, hoping that I can be just as clear about how I want to celebrate my dying days as I am inviting her to be about her wedding days.