At 58,  I  encountered illness with a diagnosis of multiple sclerosis.  You notice I didn’t say I encountered “aging.”

For first 10 years, it was a slippery slope of jogging less and less, tennis less and less, starting to use a cane, taking two walking sticks on a pilgrimage to Greece, a back collapse with scoliosis,  keeping a walker permanently in the trunk of my car, always seeking the handicapped parking, and eventually installing hand controls in my Honda Civic.  

At 71, I self-published 2 books of poetry (Musing Along the Way-both republished in 2022) sharing my journey losing the active life that I loved, and creating a new version of what was possible.  The notion of  “aging” was never mentioned in those volumes!   

Neither my mother nor my father, active until the end,  had modeled for me any concerns about “aging.” My goal along the way had been to heal.  WHOOPS!  One day, I realized that I had been “aging” under the guise of illness. My consciousness about my own aging had been slow to come.

More recently, during the last 10 years,  friends have been dying.  I’ve been losing my sense of taste. Then my hearing required aids. More recently I’ve noticed my memory faltering daily in small ways.  Yesterday, however, my awareness  surfaced in a not-so-small way.  I had driven to physical therapy, and parked at the front door for my hour long appointment. When I returned to my car, I realized the keys were in the ignition and the car was still running. I was shocked.

So my probable next book, percolating for a while, is now getting some serious attention.   For the last 10 years, I will admit I have been Encountering AGE little by little…Without a Map and doing my best. As I enter this next stage of life, this time a bit more consciously, I’m  more willing to notice and address the encounters and the declines and to make sense of it all.

Yes, now 84, I am definitely aging. Or rather,  actually I am unapologetically getting “old.”

And, there is still life to be lived, as we learn to cope with the changes. For me, the aging process is now conscious. I do less, and I gain positive new perspectives. I talk about the process with others.   Some of our local discussion leaders call the stages which we need to accommodate all at once as  Living Fully, Aging Gracefully, and Befriending Death.

It’s good to have a positive approach to this journey we all will share.  

Blessings along the way.

I’ve reached the age at 84 when I find myself “reflecting” on my life.  A lot!! Prompted in part by the Covid lockdown in 2020.  In addition, my sense of the number of days remaining to me on the planet, is also translating into “What do I have to do NOW so that I don’t leave a mess for those who follow?”

Fifteen years ago, I wrote a book with a compelling question, Why Not Do What You Love?  (republished with some updates in 2023).  It was a key life question which served people of any age, inviting folks to live a life aligned with what they enjoyed and cared about.

With age, however, I notice new questions percolating, the answers to which invite me, and all of us, into life healing and the wisdom of elderhood.

As I act on my need not to leave a mess, the sorting and tossing of the contents of my file cabinet is now receiving  more tossing than sorting.  The fewer items being kept for the savoring are being turned into creative projects which may have interest to the generations that follow.  For instance, I have prepared archives for my 20 years as a business owner. Just in case the family members who inherited my offerings would like a more complete view of the business foundation which preceded them. 

And, I’m creatively revisiting the toughest years of my life when I faced a myriad of unanticipated changes, losses and an illness with no known cause and no known cure.

Post 80,  the deeper questions are emerging:

       Looking back at my life, who have I become? 

       How has my life mattered?

       What is my “unfinished business?”

         Looking ahead, what’s a good death and how can I have one? 

         Until then, how shall I create a satisfying and useful life?

Many folks are scared of these questions which acknowledge MORTALITY, and it takes some courage to seriously deal with them. Giving voice to one’s own answers, and acting on them, is one avenue for continuing to create meaning and purpose in later life.

And let’s not forget our needs for socialization. Difficult conversations with others on these issues can be an interactive adventure and a great way to keep learning and growing. (Check out deathoverdinner.org) 

Yes, arriving at 80, the questions seem to shift. The answers we’ve never dared consider are worth pondering, and acting upon.  We still have years to live.  Let’s enjoy them. 

It’s amazing how conversations go.  

Every Monday evening, a small group of us, all 80 plus,  gather to make sure we’re not leaving a “mess” to the next generation at our passing. One evening, as we  raised our questions and shared information on our progress, the conversation meandered to new queries invading our aging existence.

It’s fall. Time to pack up the summer wardrobe and bring out the winter one.  One of our members found herself pondering, “Will this be the last time I’ll do this?  Will I be the one who is pulling these summer clothes back out next year?”

And I’m asking myself new questions as well. Whenever I enter a new location I ask, “Is there a bathroom nearby?”  I’m now questioning activities I used to take for granted.  Do I have the energy to go to a favorite concert, driving an hour and not getting lost?”  Can I still drive safely at night?   So far it’s yes, EXCEPT if it is raining.

I am grateful to be with a group of friends, reflecting on life and death, and sharing the tasks and questions that arise in later life.  That is something I’m NOT willing to let go of…

What life questions are invading your life these days?

And with whom do you share?