As the Questions Shift

I’ve reached the age at 84 when I find myself “reflecting” on my life.  A lot!  Prompted in part by the Covid lockdown in 2020.  In addition, my sense of the number of days remaining to me on the planet, is also translating into “What do I have to do NOW so that I don’t leave a mess for those who follow?”

Fifteen years ago, I wrote a book with a compelling question, Why Not Do What You Love?  (republished with some updates in 2023).  It was a key life question which served people of any age, inviting folks to live a life aligned with what they enjoyed and cared about.

With age, however, I notice new questions percolating, the answers to which invite me, and all of us, into life healing and the wisdom of elderhood.

As I act on my need not to leave a mess, the sorting and tossing of the contents of my file cabinet is now becoming  more tossing than sorting.  The fewer items being kept for the savoring are being turned into creative projects which may have interest to the generations that follow.  For instance, I have prepared archives for my 20 years as a business owner. Just in case the family members who inherited my offerings would like a more complete view of the business foundation which preceded them.  And, I’m creatively revisiting the toughest years of my life when I faced a myriad of unanticipated changes, losses and an illness with no known cause and no known cure.

Post 80,  the deeper questions are emerging:

Looking back at my life, who have I become? 

How has my life mattered?

What is my “unfinished business?”

Still looking forward:  What’s a good death and how can I have one?  Until then, how shall I create a satisfying and useful life?

Many folks are scared of these questions which acknowledge MORTALITY, and it takes some courage to seriously deal with them. Giving voice to one’s own answers, and acting on them, is one avenue for continuing to create meaning and purpose in later life.

And let’s not forget our needs for socialization. Difficult conversations with others on these issues can be an interactive adventure and a great way to keep learning and growing. (Check out deathoverdinner.org) 

Yes, post 80, the questions are shifting. The answers we’ve never dared consider are worth pondering, and acting upon.  We still have years to live.  Let’s enjoy them. 

New Questions for Consideration

It’s amazing how conversations go.  

Every Monday evening, a small group of us, all 80 plus,  gather to make sure we’re not leaving a “mess” to the next generation at our passing. One evening, as we  raised our questions and shared information on our progress, the conversation meandered to new queries invading our aging existence.

It’s fall. Time to pack up the summer wardrobe and bring out the winter one.  One of our members found herself pondering, “Will this be the last time I’ll do this?  Will I be the one who is pulling these summer clothes back out next year?”

And I’m asking myself new questions as well. Whenever I enter a new location I ask, “Is there a bathroom nearby?”  I’m now questioning activities I used to take for granted.  Do I have the energy to go to a favorite concert, driving an hour and not getting lost?”  Can I still drive safely at night?   So far it’s yes, EXCEPT if it is raining.

I am grateful to be with a group of friends, reflecting on life and death, and sharing the tasks and questions that arise in later life.  That is something I’m NOT willing to let go of…

What life questions are invading your life these days?

And with whom do you share? 

A New Keeping Going

It’s been 4 months since I’ve posted. Another transition in the works.

Several good friends died. And I entered another “life stage/ phase/whatever” more aware of the losses associated with the aging condition. Not so much fun, but life does go on and delivers up the  space for healing, and whatever is next that forces introspection, review and figuring out.  But, as usual, when I return to sorting, something pops up to help me gain perspective…in this case the wisdom of Jonathan Field about “that in-between space.” 

“We tend to look at the in-between space as the place we least want to be. And, yes, I know, when it lasts too long, when lingering in it becomes living in it, that’s not a great place to be.

“But here’s the thing.  The in-between, viewed a bit differently, is maybe the single most fertile ground life offers us.  If, we’re open to the experience and invitation.

“It’s a delicate balance for sure.  End of the day, the in-between is neither good, nor bad.

“It’s just how we use it that makes it one or the other.

SO, IN WHAT SPACE ARE YOU THESE DAYS? And is it worth some time to stop and reflect?